Absence!
Father: Why did you get such a low score in that exam?
Son: Absence!
Father: You were absent on the day of the exam?
Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was!
Age
Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely I can't look that old. Well, you'll love this one....
My name is Alice Smith and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his diploma, which had his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that i had a secret crush on, way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High school.
'Yes. Yes, I did.' he gleamed with pride.
'When did you graduate?' I asked.
He answered, 'In 1967. Why do you ask?'
'You were in my class!' I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat, gray-haired man asked, 'What did you teach?'
An exam today come rain or shine!
Pupil: Great news, teacher says we have an exam today come rain or shine.
Classmate: So what's so great about that ?
Pupil: It's snowing outside !
Blonde takes an exam!
A blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of "yes/no" type questions.
She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the questions for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet, "Yes" for Heads and "No" for Tails. Within half-an-hour she is all done where as the rest of the class is sweating it out.
During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and says, "What is going on?"
"I finished the exam in half-an-hour. But I'm rechecking my answers."
Chemistry exam
ON A CHEMISTRY EXAM at Midpark High School in Middleburg Heights, Ohio, one question concerned how to clean the floor after a chemical-powder spill. In detail, I described the liquid I would combine with the powder in order to dissolve it with chemical bonding and electron transfer. I was pleased with my grasp of molecular structure until the exams were handed back. Our teacher asked another student to read her answer. She suggested a broom and a dustpan to sweep up the spill -- and got full credit.
Exams are like girlfriends!
Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS:
1. Too Many Questions.
2. Difficult to Understand.
3. More Explanation is Needed.
4. Result is always FAIL!
Grading of final exams!
Here is a list of the ways professors here at the American University grade their final exams: Dept Of Statistics: All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.
Dept Of Psychology: Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.
Dept Of History: All students get the same grade they got last year.
Dept Of Religion: Grade is determined by God.
Dept Of Philosophy: What is a grade?
Law School: Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.
Dept Of Mathematics: Grades are variable.
Dept Of Logic: If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.
Dept Of Computer Science: Random number generator determines grade.
Music Department: Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note ( a + and - would be sharp and flat respectively).
Dept Of Physical Education: Everybody gets an A
How did your exams go?
Father: How did your exams go?
Son: I got nearly 100 in every subject
Father: What do you mean, nearly 100?
Son: The questions didn't give me any trouble, just the answers!
I don't deserve it!
Pupil: I don't think I deserved zero on this exam.
Class: I agree, but that's the lowest mark I could give you !
Science Final Exam
The not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed:
"Give four advantages of breast milk."
What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping forthe best:
1. No need to boil.
2. Cats can't steal it.
3. Available whenever necessary.
So far so good - maybe.
But the exam demanded a four-part answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled,then sighed again. But suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen,and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:
4. Available in attractive containers.
Toy
The young mother skeptically examined a new educational toy. "Isn't it rather complicated for a small boy?" she asked the salesclerk. "It's designed to teach the child how to live in today's world, madam," the shop clerk replied. "Any way he tries to put it together is wrong."
True story
A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination.
On the paper there was a single line which simply said: "Is this a question?" - Discuss.
After a short time he wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an answer."
The student received an "A" on the exam.
why?
Birth, Death comes once in life..
Love comes once in life..
Marriage comes once in life..
But
Why does this bloody “EXAM” come again and again...
